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TC's Corner...revisited. :: Archived
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Shadow_Bshwackr
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Joined: Jan 20, 2005
Posts: 6944
Location: Central Illinois, USA
PostPosted: Wed Dec 21, 2005 6:08 am
Post subject: Re: TC's Corner...revisited.

TC's Christmas Special!

Yo! Well TC's Corner fans, its Christmas time again, and your old pal TC has a wonderful present for each and every one of my loyal fans. It's your very own Genuine Rookie Kilter (autographed model) in which you and your entire family will have many hours of fun shooting down those scrap-picking booger-eating butt-scratching scum rookies, together in the relaxing atmosphere of your own living room. Just think of the joy on little Johnny's face when he shoots down that punk Rookie_Doofus, or your 90 year old Granny laughing a toothless laugh as she is removing Shadow_Weedwakr from the session. The Kilter also comes with:

(1) Genuine Imitation Black Polyester Leisure Suit
(1) Bottle of Aqua Velva
(1) Pair of Italian Rookie Kilting Bowling Shoes
So ... have a very TChristmas! And watch your six, pally!



HOW THE TCGRINCH STOLE THE ROOKIES CHRISTMAS

Every Rookie down in Rookie-Ville liked Christmas a lot ...
But TCGrinch, who lived just north of Sturmgruppe did not!
TCGrinch hated Christmas! The whole darned Christmas season!
Now, pally, don't ask why, nobody quite knows the reason.

It could be that his bald head wasn't screwed on just right,
It could be that his Rookie Kilting Shoes were laced up too tight.
But I think the most likely reason of all,
Was that, pally, that his trigger finger was two sizes too small.

But Whatever the reason was, the finger or his Kiltin' shoes,
TCGrinch stood there on Christmas Eve hating those Rookie dudes!
Staring down from his Kilter Emporium with a sour TCGrinchy frown
At all the Stock scum Rookie houses below in their Stock town.
For TCGrinch know every Rookie down in Rookie-Vill will groan
Every time they are shot down in their stock Hawkers on the Zone.

"They will have all their joysticks!" TC snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Christmas, it's practically here!
"Those Scum Punk Rookies don't even like Aqua Velva!" TC would yell,
"Those Scum Punk Rookies just don't like the smell!"
Then TCGrinch grunted, with his fat stubby fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find a way to keep Christmas from coming!"
For tomorrow, TCGrinch knew ... all the Rookie girls and boys
Would wake up bright and early and open their Stock CFS toys!
They'd open up Rookie Rooms and make Noise! Noise!! NOISE!!!

Then the Rookies, the Punks, and the Scum, would sit down to a Stock CFS Feast,
And they would Feast, Feast! FEAST!!!
They would start on Rookie-Pudding and Rare Rookie Roast Beast,
Which was something TCGrinch couldn't stand in the least!

And then, they'd do something TCGrinch hated worst of all!
Every Rookie down in Rookie-Ville, and all the odd-balls
Would fly their Stock Hawkers until they'd fall like rocks
Thy'd fly stock, stock, stock, stock, all those scum rookies would fly
STOCK, STOCK, STOCK, STOCK!!!

And the more TCGrinch thought about the Rookie Hawker Christmas Stock,
The more TC thought "I must stop this whole Stock crock!
"Why, for 5 years I've put up with it now!
"I MUST stop the Rookie Christmas from coming ... but how?"

Then TCGrinch got an idea! An awful Idea! An Aqua Velva Awful idea!
TCGrinch got a black polyester Aqua Velva idea!

"I knows just what I'll do!" TCGrinch laughed as he splashed Aqua Valva on his throat
"I'll make me a black polyester Santy Claus flight cap and coat.
Then TCGrinch chuckled and clucked "What a great TCGrinchy trick!
"With this red polyester flight cap and coat I'll look just like Saint Nick!"

"All I need is a reindeer .. hmmm ..." TCGrinch thought as he looked around
But since reindeer are scarce in FurBall, there were none to be found..
Did that stop old fat TC? Heck, no way pally. TCGrinch simply said,
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll mod me one instead!"
So TCGrinch called his dog, BlueMax.
And TC took some string and tied a big stock horn on the top of his head.

THEN ... TCGrinch loaded some bags and old empty sacks
Into the trunk of his '63 rainbow mother of pearl Chevy Impala ... and hitched up his dog BlueMax.

And TCGrinch said, "Giddyap!" and the Chevy Impala started down
The sides of Mt. Prop-Hit towards the Rookie Scums homes where the Rookies lay a-snooze in their town.

All the Rookie Windows were dark, and the smell of spent .50-cals filled the air.
All the Scum Rookies were dreaming of TC kilting them, what a Nightmare!
Then TCGrinch came to the first Rookie house in the square.

"This is the first Rookie to lose all his crap," the old TCGrinchy Clause hissed.
And the fat bald TC climbed up on the roof, empty sacks in his fat stubby fist.
Then fat TC slid down the chimney, a rather tight pinch,
But if fat Santa could do it, then so could TCGrinch.
TC with his blowing shoes got stuck only once, for a moment or two,
Then TCGrinch stuck his head from out the fireplace flue.

There all the Rookies stock Computers were setting all in a row.
"Those stock Comps," TC grinned, "are the first things to go!"

TC slithered and slunk, with a TC scowl must unpleasant.
TC went around the whole room, and took all the Rookies presents!
Then TC stuffed all the presents in bags, then TCGrinch, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!

Then TC slunk to the Rookies stock Refrigerator. He took the stock Rookie feast!
He took the stock Rookie-Pudding! He took the Rookies Stock Roast Beast!
TC cleaned out the Refrigerator fast for such a fat bald bloke.
"What a bunch of punks, no diet Cokes!"

TC then stuffed all the Rookies stock food up the chimney with glee.
"And now!" grinned TCGrinch, "I'll stuff up the stock P-51D!"
TC grabed the stock P-51D, and started to shove,
When TC heard a sound, like the coo of a dove.
TC turned around fast, and TC saw the well developed Rookie Sue Lou,
Who TC reckoned was about 22.

Rookie Sue Lou who was 22, stared and then said to old TC
"Santy Clause, why? Why are you taking our stock P-51D?"

But, you know, that old TCGrinch was so smart and so slick!
He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!
"Well, my dear," the old fake Santy Claus lied,
"There's some RPM's on this plane that don't RPM on one side.
"I'll take it up to my Mod Shop, my dear.
"I'll Mod it up there, and then I'll bring it back here."

Well that lie fooled the shaply Rookie Sue Lou, and TC patted her chest ... err ... head,
And TC got her a margarita and sent that good looken' babe back to bed.
When Rookie Sue Lou had passed out from the margarita in the cup,
TC went to the chimney and stuffed the P-51D up!

Then the last thing that punk TC took was the stock log for the Rookies stock fire.
Then TC went up the chimney himself, the old bald fat liar!
On the Rookies stock computer desks TC left nothing but some old Stock cables and wire.

And the one drop of Aqua Velva that TC left in the house,
Was not even enough to splash on a Rookies mouse.
Then TCGrinch did the same to all the other Rookie houses
Not leaving enough Aqua Velva for any other of the Rookie mouses.

It was then a quarter past dawn, all the rookies still sleeping heavily,
All the Rookie Scum still a-snooze, when TC packed up his Chevy.
Ten thousand feet up! Up ... up ... up the side of Mt Prop-Hit!
Up TC drove, to the tip top to dump it!

"Muahahahaha!" said TC, ganoffing.
"Those scum Rookies are just finding no stock Christmas is coming.
"Their scum Rookie mouths will hang open for a minute or two,
"Then all hem scum Rookies in Rookie-Ville will cry BOO HOO HOO!"

"That's a noise," grinned TCGrinch, "That I simply MUST hear!"
So TC paused, and TCGrinch put his fat stubby hand to his ear.
TCGrinch did hear a sound that was not, not softer,
And TC heard a horrible sound, the sound of a Stock Hawker!

TCGrinch stared down at Rookie-Ville, with his tired blood-shot eyes,
Then TC shook! What TC saw was a horrible surprise!
Every Rookie down in Rookie-Ville, the bald, old, fat, and tall,
Was flying CFS! Without any computers at all!
TC hadn't stopped Christmas from coming! It came!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!

TCGrinch, wearing his bowling shoes with his feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling. "How could it, pal, be so?"
"It came without Stock Hawkers, computers, and headphones!
"I came without joysticks, RW, Brunhost, and the Zone!"
TC puzzled until his puzzler was sore.
Then TCGrinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," TC thought, "doesn't come from a Computer store.."
"Maybe Christmas, perhaps ... means a little bit more!"

Then, suddenly, TC's Chevy Impala started to slide down Mt Prop-hit's side!
TC grabbed hold of the rear bumper, but it slid no matter how hard he tried.

Down in Rookie-Ville they say, something happened to TC this way.
TC's trigger finger grew three sizes that day!
When it happened that TC's trigger finger grew,
Suddenly he had the strength of Ten TCGrinches, plus two!

TCGrinch pulled on the load that was so very heavy,
And he saved his beloved '63 rainbow mother of pearl Chevy!
But, sadly, ... hehehehe ... as luck would have it!
All the Stock Rookies crap fell down the side of Mt Prop-Hit!

What? WHAT? Hey, pally, you didn't actually expect those Scum Rookies were going to have a merry Christmas, did you? MUAHAHAHAHA! Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good night!

--TCGrinch
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A1Trigger_Happy
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Joined: Jan 29, 2006
Posts: 778
Location: Alabama, USA
PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 10:21 am
Post subject: Re: TC

i have one geenuine rookie kilter fer sale.... opening bid is $10 i remember the days of TC was good fun back then...
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Shadow_Bshwackr
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Joined: Jan 20, 2005
Posts: 6944
Location: Central Illinois, USA
PostPosted: Tue Jan 31, 2006 12:12 pm
Post subject: Re: TC

HIya Trigger! How you been? Long time no see!!
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PGTigercat
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Joined: Mar 05, 2005
Posts: 24
Location: Ojai, California
PostPosted: Sun Feb 19, 2006 4:46 pm
Post subject: Re: TC's Corner...revisited.

YO!

Hey pally, sure would like to see a new TC's Corner re-visited. I needs ta find out if Clint got his golf clubs back and if Batman got his Bat leaf blower returned.

hehehehehe

TC- Wink
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Shadow_Bshwackr
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Posts: 6944
Location: Central Illinois, USA
PostPosted: Mon Feb 20, 2006 5:39 am
Post subject: Re: TC

HIya TC, good to see ya around!! How you been?
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PGTigercat
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Joined: Mar 05, 2005
Posts: 24
Location: Ojai, California
PostPosted: Sun Feb 26, 2006 8:09 pm
Post subject: Re: TC's Corner...revisited.

Yo!

I doing fine Bush. Im just sitting here watching the wheels go round and round. How's life treating you these days?

Im kinda looking forward to seeing another TC's Corner up. Always good for a chuckle or two.

You should put up "Damn Granny" That story hasen't been on yet. By the way that is a true story with a little poetic licence tossed in. That old lady hits hard for a granny. lol

TC- Wink
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Shadow_Bshwackr
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Posts: 6944
Location: Central Illinois, USA
PostPosted: Sat Mar 04, 2006 5:27 am
Post subject: Re: TC

HIya TC! Well, I have that...kinda. Any chance you could sent that to me in a different format? Wink

TC’s #12

German Class

Today, we are going to promote a tad of civility and culture, and I do stress, a tad of civility and culture in my Corner. Lately my son has been taking a German course at his college and I have picked up a surprising amount of the language just by listening to him babble it around the house. It is a very interesting language, and I would like to share with you a few useful expressions and words I have learned.

Flieger -- flyer

Der Gamen mit alles der Rookies gettin Das Kilten -- the game of CFS

Fliegermann mit der Hawker -- a normal Stock CFS pilot

RookieFliegermann mit der Hawker
-- Rookie CFS pilot

Fliegermann dat Kiltens die RookieFliegermanns
-- myself, PGTigercat

RookieKiltenFliegerMaschine -- Rookie Kilter

RookieKiltenFliegerMaschine mid alles der Orea Vrappen -- used Rookie Kilter

PushenPullenFliegenSchtick -- joystick

PushenPullenFliegenSchtick Werkermann -- pilot

Das FliegenMaschine Kraschen -- airplane crash

Der mann dat alles der time Fliegenmaschine Kraschen -- techincal term for a Rookie

AeroFanner -- propeller

Der AeroFannerMaschine -- engine

Das SchpinnenRoundenRollers - wheels

Dummkopf RookieMann Lernen Fliegen -- Student Rookie

Instruktor Schtuck mit der Dummkpof RookieMann Lernen Fliegen -- Flight Instructor

Landen und Kraschen on der FliegerMaschineBoote Karrier -- Ark Royal game

Das LaudenBoomer -- bomb

Das LaudenBoomerKarrier Maschine -- bomber

Schtinken us out of die Haus -- TC's socks

AeroMaschine Schtoppen Fasten -- brakes

Der Gamen mit der Dummkopfs getten shooten downen ze Das LaudenBoomerKarrier Maschine -- bomb run

Der Fleigermannen under die Eskorten LaudenBoomerKarrier - bomb run escorts

Die Fliegermannen under die Attacken und Flamen Das
LaudenBoomerKarrier Maschine
-- bomb run attackers

Der Teufel Fliegen Maschine -- TC's Devil Rookie Kilters

Die Fleigermann Looken Outen Vindow -- canopy

Das Fliegermann Puschen-Pounden-Stompen Pedalen -- rudder pedals

Das Aero Liften Risen Platz -- wing

Das Plaze vere der Fliegermann sitz -- cockpit

Den Only Gute Rookie ist einen Töten Rookie -- the only good Rookie is a Kilt Rookie

Der Fliegermaschine in der MaschineGunn Zite - target

Der MasterKiltenBuilten Werker - TC

FliegenMaschine mit Tzventy-Seiben MaschineGunnen -- many gun MOD

Munchen-Lauden-Aero-Voorschter -- jet plane

Schkull-Schplitten-Lauden-Voorschter -- jet engine

Aero SchpinnenFloppenRounden FleigenMaschine -- helicopter

Room mit der RookieKiltenFliegerMaschinen Verboden! -- TC's kind of room!

Die LaudenScreecher - radio (translated sometimes also as "Wife")

Der LaudenSchreecher Typen Box -- chat box

Anoder LaudenSchreecher -- TC when he is going down in flames

Das Downporen -- rain storm

Das Wetter Downporen -- heavy rain storm

Das Downpouren mid Katzen und Hunden -- very, very heavy rain storm!

Fliegen Gruppe -- CFS squadron

Der Fliegen Gruppe Dummkopf -- Squadron CO

Der Gamen mit der "Fliegen Maschine Restrichten" -- Dangit! Game's restricted!

Das ist alles!
-TC

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Shadow_Bshwackr
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Posts: 6944
Location: Central Illinois, USA
PostPosted: Thu Mar 30, 2006 6:09 am
Post subject: Re: TC's Corner...revisited.

"We interrupt this broadcast with a special report! A '63 peal white Chevy Impala was found abandoned by an old mine shack in California and revealed a 'lost' issue of the popular "TC's Corner" called "Damm Granny!". The police and bomb squad were called in to investigate the 'chevy' and the lost issue was found as the trunk was forced open. Police Chief 'O Shenanigan says the bomb squad was 'called in' after the discovery of a 'foul oder combined with green fumes' emanating from the trunk and thought to be some kind of chemical warfare or bomb.

Further investigation only revealed some 'socks' left in the pocket of a 'leisure suit' next to a bottle of 'aqua velva' shaving lotion. Police have long suspected the disappearance of 'TC' also known by his alias as 'Rookie Kilter' to be connected with some kind of dispute with well known Hollywood screen actor 'Clint Eastwood'. Eastwood, when interviewed by our news crew, refused to comment about the disappearance and was over heard mumbling something about 'lost' lawn equipment and overgrown grass. Police are investigating the matter."


And now, the lost issue!!

United States Department of Misfortune and Irony
Study No. E-99352
Case Study: Mr. PGTigercat



WHEREAS: Mr. PGTigercat has been concluded as the Worlds Most Unlucky Human this extended Study into this unfortunate person is hereby continued, documented and put into permanent record

RECALLING: That Mr. PGTigercat and his typical un-unlucky son PGBearcat drove 60 miles to visit a dam site that had been void of wildfire for 80 years, and upon arriving a fire was burning said dam site demonstrating the pitiful fortunes of Mr. PGTigercat and those unfortunate to be around him.


BACKGROUND: On the morning of June 7, 2003, Mr. PGTigercat and his unassuming unlucky son departed around 7:15 a.m. from Oak View, CA, en route to Santa Barbara, CA, intending to visit two dams; the Laurel Ranch Dam and the Gibraltar Reservoir Dam.

CASE STUDY - Part A: After entrusting his son PGBearcat to the position of Dam Touring Navigator and bestowing upon him all the implements of that position (namely a road map) the two Dam Hunters proceeded up Highway 101 towards their first dam. Thanks to the consummate skill of the Navigator they managed to locate the dam after missing the turn just a mire three times.

Part B: Arriving at Laurel Canyon Dam (which is located in the center of the city of Santa Barbara) PGTigercat and his son exited their vehicle (a convertible rainbow mother-of-pearl '63 Chevy Impala, or perhaps a Mazda B4000 pickup truck, the actual type of vehicle not quite ascertained). The two walked towards the dam and took a few photographs of the dam and adjoining reservoir. Since the dam was a boring earth dam and not a concrete one, the two were rather disappointed.

Part C: Suddenly PGBearcat noticed his Imitation Black Polyester Leisure suit waering father suddenly jump and sprint full tilt towards their parked Chevy Impala at full gallop. Upon reaching said vehicle, PGTigercat dove into the parked Impala. Since it was rather infrequent that his son saw his father jump and sprint madly as if being attacked by Killer Aliens from Planet Zorg, the son also sprinted and ran for the car assuming some horrible creature might be approaching (such as an alien, bear, or bakery supply sales professional). Both PGTigercat and his son flung the car door open, dove in, and slammed and locked the doors behind him.

"Did you see that?" cried PGTigercat to his son, with sweat beads forming on his bald head.

"No, I saw you run so I assumed we were in peril so I followed," replied his son.

"I saw this big, massive, ugly looking wolf-like- monster- size dog running up that road behind us!" said PGTigercat, "and he looked like he was going to eat me! I left you behind to protect my rear flank.�

Just after this was said a woman appeared on the road behind Mr. Tigercat and his son walking her dog (admittedly it looked like a particularly ferocious French poodle), which was secured, on a leash. She was apparently mildly amused at the panic her dog had caused to the man in the leisure suit and his unassuming son.

Not wishing to be the subject of any more unnecessary embarrassment and ridicule, Mr. Tigercat and his son left the Laurel Canyon Dam and proceeded to head to Gibraltar Dam. “I’ m telling ya Brett the dog looked huge, must have been sun spots.�
“Yeah, dad, whatever.� Said Brett shaking his head.

Part D: Thanks to the stalwart efforts of the Navigator, PGTigercat and his son made their way towards the Gibraltar Dam. Mr. Tigercat was quite distressed over the quality of the roads, which lead to the Gibraltar Dam. The road became treacherous and Mr. Tigercat informed his son that if the road conditions got any worse that he would turn the Impala around and try to make it back alive.
It was at that point when the highway merged from four lanes to just two that Mr. Tigercat nearly proceeded with his threat to turn around but was encouraged by his son and Navigator to continue. Then the highway (Highway 195 to be precise) reached the Gibraltar Dam turnoff (a rather miss-named side street called "Paradise Road") Mr. Tigercat expressed his displeasure over the roads condition.
“Hey Brett, If the road gets any worse were gonna have to hike in, or more precisely, your hiking in. I’m taking a nap.�

Part E: Paradise Road was indeed a rather steep, windy, treacherous road, but the potholes were not too deep and the two managed to continue for some many miles. When Mr. Tigercat asked his navigator son "Where in the hell they were" he received the unnerving reply of "I don't know". The word… "Sheesh!"… Was heard up and down the canyon.
The road had meandered off the road map and the two continued on their way totally blind to what lay ahead.

Part F: Finally after driving some 10 miles on the thin winding pot holed filled Paradise Road, Mr. Tigercat and his son arrived at a US Forest Service road block. An old lady walked up to the car as PGTigercat rolled down the window.

“ Howdy!" said the old lady, who was wearing a T-shirt that said 'I LOVE my GRANDCHILDREN.' Mr. Tigercat and his son expressed astonishment that the employment of such a youth-impaired woman would be to sit at a Forest Service road block 39 miles from the nearest flush toilet.
"YO!,Good afternoon, ma'am," replied Mr.Tigercat.
"What can we do for you today, sir?" asked the old lady.
"We're looking for the Gibraltar Dam," said Mr. Tigercat
"Ahhh," sighed the old lady. "Well, honey, the Gibraltar Dam is about 5 miles that way" and she pointed down the road "but first of all you need a $40 Adventure Pass to continue further and second of all the dam is closed."
"Hey, lady," said Mr. Tigercat, not a small bit ruffled that he had driven 100 miles to be turned around by a grandmother at a road block in the middle of some forsaken valley 39 miles from the nearest flush toilet. "We came a long way to see the dam, can't we park here and walk over to it?"
"Well, sir, two days ago you could have done that," replied the old lady. "You see, honey, two days ago a pair of hikers went down to the dam and beat up the dam keeper. He's in the hospital with serious injuries. Quite a shock to everybody. Since then, the dam's closed, and it's not going to be opening any time soon, honey."

To PGTigercat and his son this was the last straw.

“Lissen, grandma!" shouted Mr. Tigercat, stepping out of his vehicle. "I'm gonna see that dam and there's nothing you can do to stop me, granny."
"Heh heh," cackled the old lady, rolling up her sleeves on her 'I LOVE my GRANDCHILDREN' T-shirt. "Come on, baldy. They didn't hire me for nothing. You try to step towards that dam access road and I'll kick your leisure-suit wearing aqua-velva reeking diet-Coke drinking butt!"
"Muahahaha! Like an old granny like you could stop me!" cried Mr. Tigercat "I'm gonna see that dam and there ain't nobody that's gonna tell me I can't!"

Part G: As PGTigercat picked himself up from the dusty roadside, his left eye swollen; the old lady at the roadblock cracked her knuckles and smiled.
Mr. Tigercat got up, dusted off his leisure suit, and suddenly without notice jumped back at the old lady with fists flying. As Mr. Tigercat was picking himself up from the dusty roadside a second time with two swollen eyes, the old lady kicked him a few times just for good measure.
"Hey, kid," the old lady snapped to Mr. Tigercat's son who was still sitting in the car. "You gonna try any fast moves or am I gonna have to take care of you too?"
"Oh, no ma'am," replied the son. "It was all his idea to come up here. I wanted to stay at home and do regular things but this old man of mine insisted on going Dam Hunting. Say, ma'am, how much are those Forest Adventure passes again?"

Part H: "Geez, Dad," said Mr. Tigercat's son as they were heading back down Paradise Road back towards the main highway. "That old grandma really took you down. Once she got you in that headlock and was pounding your face I knew you were finished. I was just getting ready to jump in and help you dad, but I thought better of it. I figured you needed me to drive you to the hospital.�
Mr. Tigercat was not amused.
"Hey, Brett, you saw how big she was!" growled Mr. Tigercat. "And she was wiry for a grandmother. Probably works out. I could have taken down any other grandmother but this one was a trained killer. I thought I had the old bag fooled with my fancy foot work and the element of surprise.�
"Sure, dad," replied his son.
"And one more thing," snapped MrTigercat. "I better not see one word of this on Com-Central. I would never hear the end of it!"
"Don't worry, dad, I wouldn't embarrass you like that!...hehehehe" said his son. "Say, dad. If we take this road here," and he pointed to the map, "it goes along that mountain ridge and we can see the dam from above! And besides, it goes right around back to the freeway and we can be on our way home just as fast as if we stayed on this highway."
"I don't know, Brett," said Mr. Tigercat, becoming rather suspicious of taking roads where unknown roadblocks guarded by karate-educated grandmothers might be lurking. "Are you SURE you can see the dam from that road? Are you SURE it goes through to the freeway?"
"Hey, dad, lighten up, who's the navigator here, me or you?" retorted his son. "You can see the dam from just a little ways up this road! There's the turn, quick! Sheesh, it's practically a double-wide highway!"

Part I: Twenty-eight minutes later on a single-lane two-way potholed and slippery 14% incline fire access road along a treacherous ravine (aka the Double Wide Highway) we find our hero's Mr. Tigercat and his son debating whether or not the "CHECK ENGINE" light on the dashboard really meant that one should check the engine.
"Are you SURE you can see the dam from here?" barked Mr. Tigercat, his face getting red and his swollen eyes throbbing.
"Yeah, I've been here before with the Boy Scouts," replied his son, "well, I think. I believe we can see the dam from that saddle just up there!"
"You mean that treacherous mountain peak about 5 miles away?" gasped Mr. Tigercat!
"That's the one," replied his son.

Part J: Upon arriving at the saddle no dam was visible nor was there any sign that the road was going to turn back and connect to the freeway. The Navigator suddenly made the discovery that they had not taken the "Gibraltar Canyon Pass Road" but rather the "Good Gosh Almighty Firebreak and Access Road." This error in navigation thus corrected, Mr.Tigercat and his son drove back down the 14% single-laned two-way slippery potholed road and back onto the main highway. Their enthusiasm for Dam Hunting thus dampened, they returned home quite dejected.

CONCLUSION: Since the chances of the Gibraltar Dam dam keeper being beat up when there are an estimated 12,000 other dam keepers available to be beat up is roughly 1 in 12,000 and since the chances of the Gibraltar Dam dam keeper being beat up in the same week that Mr. Tigercat attempted to view the dam is roughly 1 in 800,000. What are the chances that a muscle-bound grandmother would be guarding the entrance is about 1 in 6,459,321. Thus, we conclude that Mr. Tigercat IS STILL the world's most UNLUCKY HUMAN on the FACE OF THE EARTH.

EX POST FACTO: Besides, what are the odds that Mr. Tigercat would come upon a Forest Service roadblock being watched by a muscel-bound 7 7-year-old grandmother wearing an I LOVE my GRANDCHILDREN T-shirt? (Besides, I had a C-note bet on the Granny to TKO my dad in the first)

But at least he escaped the ferocious man-eating poodle.

TC-
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XcalibeR
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PostPosted: Thu Mar 30, 2006 6:33 am
Post subject: Re: TC

Heh... I remember when that happened. I've got pictures of BC looking dejected, lol.

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PGTigercat
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PostPosted: Sat May 27, 2006 11:27 am
Post subject: Re: TC

Yo!

Hi ya Bush!

Do you have the "Easy Hits" story? Or "James Bond" ? Would like to see you put one of them up if you have them.

TC-
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A1Trigger_Happy
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PostPosted: Mon Jul 31, 2006 7:44 pm
Post subject: Re: TC

sheesh them are oldies! *sighs* the good old days...
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XcalibeR
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 6:00 pm
Post subject: Re: TC

Common Bushy! It's been 5 months! Surely you can do better than that? Wink

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Shadow_Bshwackr
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 02, 2006 7:19 pm
Post subject: Re: TC

*Hangin' me head*...lol

You're right! I can!

I'll get something posted up this week...:D
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Shadow_Bshwackr
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PostPosted: Sat Aug 05, 2006 7:07 am
Post subject: Re: TC

TC’s # 13

"I’ll get you next time TC!"

In a dark alley in the Sturmgruppe, a shadowed figure lurked in Game 49 waiting for a visitor to arrive. The Sturmgruppe was deserted; nary a brave soul would venture to enter whilst this sinister villain laid in wait for his appointment to show up. And then someone entered ...
"Psst .... Bruno, that you?" whispers the dark figure.
"Oui oui, it's just le me," replied Bruno Superfort. "Is that le you, Snake Ears?"
"Yeah, what's takin' Crow Foot and Ickie Inline so long in gettin' here?"
"Merci, they a-ran into a crowd of Ark Royal purists in Ridge Runners. It was all they could le do to le escape."
"Drat them and their super game-freezing mods! At least my restrict-busters work in restricted games!" Snake Ears roared. "Well well well, its about time, Crow Foot," he said as CF entered the Sturmgruppe. "Did you bring the 'Secret Plan?' "
"Me bring um Secret Plan, we catchum TC paleface," said Crow Foot. "He stealum our ideas."
"Oui oui!" cried Bruno Superfort. "He le take my le Realistique Aeroplaine and le turn them into Un-realistique Rooquie Killiers."
"Yeah, we had better get him before he starts using the trim tab technology he stole from me and start takin' my planes and turnin' 'em into Rookie Killers," said Ickie Inline, who had just come running into the little group. "Let's give TC a little invitation to our 'perty,' hehehehehe.... "

Meanwhile at TC's Rookie Kilter Builter Emplorium, our hero PGTigercat checks his email box outside of his Builter Shop. In it are about forty fan letters from devoted, caring fans which he hastily chucks into the Recycle Bin along with the "Urgent - last Notice before Services Cancelled" electricity bill. But the last letter catches his eye. It is a letter from a Rookie! TC's fingers flew as he ripped open the envelope. Written there, in long scrawling handwriting, was:
"Bonjour, oui oui, TC. I am le Rooquie and I want you to le Kilt moi as soon as le possiboule. I will be in a le 'Rooquie Room' in le Sturmgruppe waiting for you. Signed by le Friendlie Rooquie_le_Doofus."
MUAHAHAHAHA! roared TC. Here was a stupid Rookie ripe for Kilting. TC donned his genuine black polyester Rookie Kilting Leisure Suit, splashed on his best Aqua Velva and started lacing up his best "Italian Rookie Kilting" shoes. He was in a hurry and quickly rushed to his hangar selecting his finest "Genuine Rookie Kilting Aerocraft". He jumped in, hit the starter button and roared off to the "Zone" in search of his quarry…

Meanwhile, back in Sturmgruppe....
"OK Bruno, where is he?" demanded Snake Ears. "He's twenty minutes late. Didn't ya tell him it was in the Sturmgruppe?"
"Oui, merci, I wrote le beautifoul lettier to le TC, oui oui!" defended Bruno.
"All right, all right, better get in your Realistic Add-on, and try not to be too Realistic." Barked Snake Ears, " Remember, take out TC once he comes in and remember, we're right behind ya if TC starts to get the best of you."
"Yeah, exactly," said Ickie Inline. "And we're right behind ya if TC starts to get the best of you."
Snake Ears just gave Ickie that "Didn't I just say that" look, when Bruno spoke up...
"Oui, oui, right behind me," replied Bruno.
"Quiet! Here come TC paleface!" shouted Crow Foot. "He fly um 'Soaring Young Warrior Blastum Outum Sky Thunderbird' or what you call "Rookie Kilter!"
"Yo!" shouted TC into the seemingly dark room. "Any one in here???"
"Oui, oui, just le me in my le Stoque Hawquer," said Bruno Superfort, revving the engine of his Realistic Add-on, trying not to be too realistic. "I am le Rooquie."
"Oh, hehehe, nice of ya to invite me, pally," replied TC. "Ready up, pal."

And out into the wild blue yonder they went, but right away Bruno is at a severe disadvantage! His joystick is suddenly uncalibrated and his engine shuts off! With one frail swoop, TC comes up behind and with one short burst from the Genuine Rookie Kilter blows Bruno out of the sky.
Victorious, TC heads back to his Rookie Kilter Emplorium to reload his guns, saying as he left;
"Got a little smudge on my Rookie Kiltin shoes, hehehe, see ya later and thanks for the game pally!"
"Geez are those evil Rookies are gonna pay for gettin my shoes dirty!" TC laughingly said to himself as he headed back to the Emplorium...

Meanwhile, back in Sturmgruppe....
"Hehe good work boys, now if you would have ONLY shot TC down instead of Bruno!" said Snake Ears.
"Yeah, Bruno was getting all the 'hits; on his website anyways," concurred Ickie Inline. "It's about time we got rid of him."
"Me not want to interrupt, but what we do for TC?" asked Crow Foot. "He is still takum our plane and moddum to Young Warrior killer."
"You know, funny you should ask that, CF," said Snake Ears, rubbing his hands together evily. "Hey, buddy CF, why dontcha do this. Write TC an E-Mail letter and say you wanna buy a Rookie Killer, and then when he gets out in the open, ka-POW!"
"Ahh, you thinkum good idea, Son of Snake," replied Crow Foot. "I write TC letter, tellum I want buy Rookie Kiltern."

Later on that same week, TC arrived back at his Emplorium, he found two letters in his e-mail box. The first one was another of those pesky "Jury Duty Summons" that TC quickly wadded up and tossed into the trash. Hmm, the second one was from someone wanting to buy a Rookie Kilter! It read;
"Yo-um TC, me needum Plane of Thunder to kiltum me Young Warrior Rookie. I needum fast. Will pay much Wampum. I will be at your teepee in one moon. Signed, Crow Foot, brave New Rookie Warrior."
Then TC spun around in his Italian Rookie Kiltin leather office chair and as fast as his stubby little fingers could type he lies...errr...tells the prospective purchaser that he has just the Kilter for him and sent if off right away...

The next day, Crow Foot arrived at TC's Emplorium.
"Excuse me, paleface with fumes of green, you mustum be TC," said Crow Foot.
"Yo, you found him pally," said TC as he looked up from his horse racing form. "What can I do for ya?"
"Me here to buy um Thunder Bird to Killum many Young Warrior Rookies. I wantum best one bald paleface has," said Crow Foot as he looked around TC's office.
"OK pally," replied TC as he dug into his Genuine Mahogany Italian Rookie Kiltin desk for a pen and Rookie Kilter Purchasing form. "It's gonna cost ya plenty, pally, but its worth it, sign here, and here, and here, in triplicate."
"Will do-um, bald paleface, but what does this small small printum say? Me have Eagle Eyes but I cannot readum so small letter," complained Crow Foot, squinting to make out the first word of the three-page contract agreement. "I think paleface speak with forked tongue!"
"Don't worry about it pally," said TC casually. "That’s just my 'Satisfaction Guaranteed" statement." he said with his crooked grin.
" Yeah, Satisfaction guaranteed ... not necessarily your satisfaction but satisfaction nonetheless." TC said to himself as he watched Crow Foot sign the papers.
"Me signedum paper, now Young Warrior Rookie Kilter is mine," said Crow Foot.
"OK pally, done deal, let's you and me try out your new wings," said TC reassuringly. "I'll go set up a room."

Meanwhile, back in Sturmgruppe ...
"Did ya get it man?" squealed Ickie Inline.
"Me got um best Thunder Bird paleface has. I will shoot um down bald little man with funny smell," said Crow Foot. "Something wrong with paleface's feet, he need um medicine man real bad. Green stuff come from shoes. I had to holdum breath."
"Go get him man, we're right behind ya dude," said Snake Ears with a chuckle.
"Yeah, right behind ya, dude," said Ickie with a smirk.
Snake Ears just gave Ickie that " Didn't I just say that look again..."

Later, TC had collected the Crow Foots money and had the room set up....
"OK Ready up, pally," ordered TC.
"Me um Ready, paleface," said Crow Foot. And off they went, Crow Foot easily pulled up behind TC in his Genuine Thunder Bird Young Warrior Killer.
"Me haveum you now!" shouted Crow Foot and squeezed the trigger with TC squarely in his gunsights! .... But nothing happened.... "Whatum the heck..."
"Oh, pally," said TC, "I kinda forgot something. The $299.99 patch for your guns, I'll send it to ya e-mail, hehehehe as soon as I get the money!"
Then TC zoomed up behind Crow Foot, opened fire with a long burst, and Crow Foot's Thunder Bird plummeted into the ground to a festering heap.

Back at TC' Emplorium that evening...
TC chuckled to himself and talked aloud to nobody in particular of his great Bamboozling of Crow Foot. "The pally shoulda read the small print, hehehe. I think I'll check out the Zone real quick and see if there are any Rookies that need a good Kiltin."
TC grabbed his joystick and headed from room to room in Ridge Runners, looking for an unsuspecting Rookie Room ... hmmm... a Pro Bomb Run, nawwww, Crud Squad Recruiting, nawwww, hmm .... Room 34, Newbies, Rookies, TC only! Now that’s a game for me! So TC quickly joins the game....

In Ridge Runners Room 34, hosted by Ickie Inline ....
<Snake Ears> hey Ickie here comes TC!
<Ickie> yeah he fell for it
PGTigercat has entered the game
<PGTigercat> Yo boys!
<Ickie> Wassapp!
Shadow_Weedwakr has entered the game
<Shadow_Weedwakr> Hi guys, mind if I fly?
<Snake Ears to Ickie> hey eject this Weedwakr guy and lock the room
<Ickie to Snake Ears> ok
Shadow_Weedwakr has left the game
<PGTigercat> aww too bad Weedwakr had to leave the game. Musta got 'Zoned'
<Snake Ears> yeah musta .... hehehe
<Ickie> yeah yeah, whatever, ready up
<PGTigercat> you boys mind if I fly, um, a 're-paint?'
<Snake Ears> sure fly a re-paint that’s fine
<PGTigercat> ok with me pally ready up
<Snake Ears to Ickie> we gang up on TC and take him out ... no more TC hehehe ... and we get all the glory on the Zone!
<Ickie> rockin, hehe, ready up

And then the game starts and TC finds himself in a head on pass with Snake Ears...
"Agghhhh! I'm hit!" screams Snake Ears. "He's coming around to finish me off, Ickie get him!"
TC quickly put another burst into Snake Ear's Restricted Game Buster and as he plummeted down in a ball of fire TC said "Say hi to Zeke for me Snakie!"
"Oh yeah?" snarled Ickie. "Now it's my Game Freezing Super Mod against your pitiful Rookie Kilter! And I'm gettin my trim technology back, prepare to fall in flames, old man!"
"Come get me pally, I'm ripe for the pickin,' " joked TC, who pulled up into a Split-S. Ickie followed him through a couple barrel rolls and loop-overs. Then Ickie closed in on TC and got off a long burst, nearly freezing the game... ka-BAM! TC's beloved Rookie Kilter was ablaze.... and Ickie was closing in behind him for the kill. Then TC reached down for the spoiler lever and pulled the spoilers down, causing the Rookie Kilter to almost stop in mid-air. Ickie roared past him, and before TC bailed out of his doomed festering heap of a Kilter, he gave a long burst in the general direction of Ickie's Game Freezing Killer Mod. Ickies engine quits and suddenly starts to spew green smoke. Ickie bailed out of his helpless Super Mod.

Both combatants hit the ground at the same time, and a struggle ensued on the ground. Ickie reached for the piece of paper in TC's pocket, which contained the Trim Tab Technology secret. At the same time, TC reached into the side pocket of his black polyester leisure suit and pulls out a green noxious sock and stuffs it down Ickie's collar.

"AGGGHHHH!!!" screamed Ickie, "Get it off me!" and he dropped the paper with the Trim Tab Technology. TC picked it up as Ickie wildly ran, arms flailing, across the field.
TC then made his escape as Zeke Bodine pulled up to salvage the remains of the Super Mod. Zeke jumped out of his HumVee wearing his yeller radiation protection suit and with an Ion Extinguisher in one hand and an insulated pipe wrench in the other. He proceeded to extinguish the noxious green fumes coming from Ickie's back and helped Ickie, dazed and confused, to his feet. Shaking his fist, Ickie shouts at the rapidly escaping TC,

"I'll get you next time, TC!" ....

-TC
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Red_Baroness
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PostPosted: Wed Aug 23, 2006 8:54 pm
Post subject: Re: TC

Nuts, purely nuts.

Hey, we wimmen have our trubbles too. Mainly from our "A-hole Ace" hubbies hoggin the puter when WE want to fly and have some Rookies for dinner! Dammit! LOL

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