Com-Central.net

It takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma
to fix one: a reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in their jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet,
"which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots
(marked with a (P); and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by
maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.
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P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.
P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel, sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Happy B-Day boys

la plupart d'amuser lol

Laugh, Ive actually used a couple of those!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- RCAF_Spanky

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

One of the most comon acronyms in aircraft maint. logs when I was in the Air Force was "CND" - Could Not Duplicate.

I was stationed at Dyess when the first B-1B's became active. One branch of the avionics maint. squadron for the "Bomber" side encompassed Communications, Navigation, and Defensive Avionics Systems, or Com/Nav/DAS for short. All three systems were notorious for "ghost" problems. Proudly emblazend on the side of their flightline truck was an acronym that reflected their unit: CND!

That's really funny, really enjoyed it!

BTW, in Canada, you need more than a high school diploma to be a plane mechanics, and you need a liscence, the same way you need a liscence to fly.

I know, I begin my aircraft maintenance course soon, while I'm finishing my private pilot liscence.

In the civilian world, you need a license in the US too, but in the military, you get the training and they put you to work. There's different certifications listed in your record, but no "license" issued. Too bad really, it costs your left whatsit to get that license!

RGR