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Here's TC's Corner #5 everyone and it's called, "Come on back now, ya hear!"

"Come on back now, ya hear!"

And yes it is again time for another TC's Corner, and this week I'm going to address the prospective "Rookie Kilter Purchaser."

We start off as a "Purchaser" whom we shall call "Fred." Now Fred is a Grade "A" loser on the Zone as well as in life. He has no education, not much of a job, no girl friend, no dignity, no hair, and no hope. So of course our friend Fred is in desperate need of "that little edge" that will make him that "WINNER" that he has always dreamed he would and should be ... and especially on the Zone.

Fred has been flying and dying on the Zone for about two months now and has become a Grade "AA" loser. He has joined and left 3 CFS squadrons saying "That jerk commander should have made me a 4 star general by now. I'll show him, I'll fly as a 'Lone Wolf.'"
So Fred goes in search of "that little edge" that will make him the "WINNER" and not the opposite.

Fred checks out all the usual places, like Ikie Inlines, Bruno Superforts, and CrowFoots Mods to no avail. Ikie's planes had too many guns, Bruno's were too realistic, and CrowFoots were way to maneuverable. "I just want a plane that is just right, not too many guns, certainly not realistic and not so maneuverable that I'll be accused of flying a mod." thought Fred to himself. Fred went on with his fruitless search for "that little edge" all the time getting less education, less money, fewer girls, less dignity, substantially less hair, and with hope so far out of the picture he had forgotten completely about it.

One day while routinely dying on the Zone, Fred happens to overhear this guy named "TC" talking about a "Rookie Kilter" and that it was just "tweaked", so that it had "that little edge" but wasn't noticeable as a mod. So Fred decided to visit TC's Master Kilter Builter Emplorium.

When Fred gets there he can't believe his eyes! As he enters the showroom, he sees a dozen of the most beautiful, magnificent, powerful Rookie Killing machines that he has ever laid eyes on! Then Fred spots this odd looking fellow dressed in black sitting at a desk in the corner with some sort of green fumes rising from what appears to be his socks. As Fred worked his way through the fumes, he confronted the little old man at the desk. "Sir," said Fred suppressing a gasping cough, "I’m looking for TC, are you TC?"
The little old man never looked up and said, "You found him pal, now what’s can I do for ya?" "Well, I've been told you have these here killers for sale." Fred said as his eyes were watering and his breathing increased to a point of near hyperventilation.

"They ain't 'killers' Pally, they're 'Kilters.' And yeah I got 'em. Whatchya here for?" TC said as he spun around and leaned back in his custom made Italian Designer chair and then tilted up his hat so he could see Fred better. "I'm in the market to buy me one!" Fred said in a determined tone of voice. TC creaked up from his seat, walked around to the front of the desk, and let Fred lay eyes on the most beautiful pair of Italian Rookie Kilten Shoes he had ever seen.

"So," began TC, "been getten yer fanny flamed Pally? That’s why they all come here sooner or later. So Pally, how much money ya got?" "Um, do you take Master Visa Express?" said Fred as he fumbled to get out his plastic preferred ‘copper’ card.
"Well now Pally, we might have to put you into a slightly used Kilter AND I got just the Kilter for you. Follow me, pal." Said TC as he pushed his way past Fred and out into the showroom walking down the hall.

Fred closely followed TC past all the shiny sleek Kilters, past the slightly used kilters that were sort of shiny, past the standard kilters that were dripping oil and full of dents, past the rows of kilters that were lying in pieces for scrap parts, and into a back room where they finally arrived at their destination.

There it was! It was covered in cobwebs and dust was a genuine re-furbished, re-painted, re-fitted, re-oiled, re-tuned, re-armed re-done Rookie Kilter.

"So, what ya think, Pally?" asked TC with a big smile. There was a small opening in the hanger letting sunlight in from the outside hitting TC’s gold front tooth and bouncing a gold beacon all over the walls.
"Er, um, well it looks kinda worn out Mr. TC." said Fred as he was eyeing the ungainly flying machine with a suspicious glare.
"Oh, you got it all wrong, Pally. This plane is tried and true! AND Pal, it’s already broken in, served under the stresses of ultra-Rookie Kilting and survived to tell the tale. This here Kilter has proved itself worthy, taken hits, kept on Kilting them Rookies, and never stopped to rest. What we have here Pally is a winner, with 'that little edge,' YES, a real WINNER of an airplane....

And that was the secret word Fred was waiting to hear, and the echo of "winner" reverberated long in his ears and Fred never heard the rest of what TC was saying. Fred looked up at TC with a vague smile on his face and said without hesitation, "I'll take it Mr. TC!"
"Fine choice, Pally, she’s a ‘beaut’, sign here in triplicate, and don't pay any mind to the small print." Which Fred ignored anyway as his excitement was growing by the second!

Ten minutes later Fred wheeled his only slightly worn and broken in Rookie Kilter out onto the runway. He thought to himself ... "3000 horsepower! ... Eight 20-mm cannons! .... Oh boy!" Fred could hardly stand it, he was so excited and finally he was going to get the recognition he deserved!

"Jump in and take it up for a test ride Pally." said TC as he was putting the signed contract in his 100% genuine polyester Leisure suit coat pocket. Fred sparked his slightly used Rookie Kilter up, and started his take-off roll. He watched his airspeed indicator go up like it was a tachometer! 50 .... 60 .... 70 .... 80 ... BOOM! All of a sudden black smoke, oil, nuts, bolts, pistons, and cylinders start flying from the accelerating broken-in Rookie Kilter. The blazing empennage comes to sudden but quick stop as the ‘Rookie Kilter’ is now a smoldering and festering mess of metal and luckily for Fred, throwing him out onto the tarmac.

Fred has now become a Grade "AAA" loser, and after he regained some conciseness, bruised and battered he tried to return the Kilter! Fred’s reasoning was for "slight malfunctions pertaining perhaps to the over-broken-in-ness of the machine" and TC readily agreed.

"However", as TC pointed out, "the small print of the contract indicated a "Full 30-Minute Refund Policy to the Purchaser of any of TC's Rookie Kilters. With a Complete Money Back Guarantee to be redeemed on the Sixth Sunday of any month that starts with the letter 'C' in a total lunar eclipse after the sixth Saturday of any month beginning with the letter 'B' after a stampede of wild boars in Antarctica."

"Hehe, see you Pally!" TC said as he folded the contract up and shoved it back in his genuine 100% polyester Leisure suit jacket pocket and strolled towards his office to get ready for the next "Fred". "See you after the stampede, and come on back now, ya hear!" he added as his laugh echoed down the hall.

PGTigercat

LOL a true classic.