±Recent Visitors

Recent Visitors to Com-Central!

±User Info-big


Welcome Anonymous

Nickname
Password

Membership:
Latest: HighestAce
New Today: 0
New Yesterday: 0
Overall: 6648

People Online:
Members: 0
Visitors: 1125
Total: 1125
Who Is Where:
 Visitors:
01: Downloads
02: Home
03: Home
04: Community Forums
05: Community Forums
06: Community Forums
07: Photo Gallery
08: Community Forums
09: Community Forums
10: Home
11: Community Forums
12: Community Forums
13: Your Account
14: Photo Gallery
15: Community Forums
16: Photo Gallery
17: Community Forums
18: Community Forums
19: Member Screenshots
20: Community Forums
21: Community Forums
22: Photo Gallery
23: Your Account
24: Community Forums
25: Community Forums
26: Home
27: Photo Gallery
28: Community Forums
29: Community Forums
30: Community Forums
31: Community Forums
32: Community Forums
33: Home
34: Member Screenshots
35: Community Forums
36: Home
37: Community Forums
38: Community Forums
39: Community Forums
40: Downloads
41: Community Forums
42: Home
43: Community Forums
44: Community Forums
45: Photo Gallery
46: Community Forums
47: Community Forums
48: Community Forums
49: Community Forums
50: Community Forums
51: Community Forums
52: Photo Gallery
53: Photo Gallery
54: Community Forums
55: Home
56: Community Forums
57: Community Forums
58: Community Forums
59: Community Forums
60: Home
61: Community Forums
62: Community Forums
63: Photo Gallery
64: Home
65: Photo Gallery
66: Community Forums
67: Community Forums
68: Community Forums
69: Community Forums
70: Community Forums
71: Photo Gallery
72: Community Forums
73: Photo Gallery
74: Community Forums
75: Community Forums
76: Community Forums
77: News
78: Member Screenshots
79: Community Forums
80: Home
81: Member Screenshots
82: Home
83: Community Forums
84: Photo Gallery
85: Photo Gallery
86: Downloads
87: Home
88: Photo Gallery
89: Community Forums
90: Community Forums
91: Community Forums
92: Community Forums
93: Member Screenshots
94: Community Forums
95: Community Forums
96: Community Forums
97: Community Forums
98: Community Forums
99: Community Forums
100: Member Screenshots
101: Member Screenshots
102: Community Forums
103: Community Forums
104: Community Forums
105: Community Forums
106: Community Forums
107: Community Forums
108: Community Forums
109: Home
110: Your Account
111: Home
112: Community Forums
113: Community Forums
114: Photo Gallery
115: Community Forums
116: Home
117: Member Screenshots
118: Community Forums
119: Community Forums
120: Community Forums
121: Community Forums
122: Member Screenshots
123: Community Forums
124: Home
125: Home
126: Community Forums
127: Community Forums
128: Home
129: Community Forums
130: Community Forums
131: Community Forums
132: Community Forums
133: Community Forums
134: Community Forums
135: Community Forums
136: Community Forums
137: Home
138: Member Screenshots
139: Photo Gallery
140: Photo Gallery
141: Community Forums
142: Community Forums
143: Community Forums
144: Community Forums
145: News Archive
146: Photo Gallery
147: Community Forums
148: Community Forums
149: Community Forums
150: Member Screenshots
151: News Archive
152: Photo Gallery
153: Photo Gallery
154: News Archive
155: Home
156: Home
157: Community Forums
158: Home
159: Home
160: Community Forums
161: Photo Gallery
162: Downloads
163: Statistics
164: Community Forums
165: Home
166: Community Forums
167: Community Forums
168: Community Forums
169: Community Forums
170: Community Forums
171: Community Forums
172: Community Forums
173: Community Forums
174: Community Forums
175: Community Forums
176: Community Forums
177: Community Forums
178: Community Forums
179: Community Forums
180: Community Forums
181: Community Forums
182: Member Screenshots
183: Home
184: Community Forums
185: Community Forums
186: Community Forums
187: Community Forums
188: Community Forums
189: Photo Gallery
190: Community Forums
191: Community Forums
192: Your Account
193: Community Forums
194: Community Forums
195: Community Forums
196: Community Forums
197: Community Forums
198: Community Forums
199: Photo Gallery
200: Downloads
201: Community Forums
202: Photo Gallery
203: News Archive
204: Community Forums
205: Member Screenshots
206: Member Screenshots
207: Community Forums
208: Home
209: Community Forums
210: Community Forums
211: Community Forums
212: Home
213: Community Forums
214: Community Forums
215: Community Forums
216: Community Forums
217: News Archive
218: Member Screenshots
219: Community Forums
220: Home
221: Photo Gallery
222: Member Screenshots
223: Community Forums
224: Community Forums
225: Member Screenshots
226: Photo Gallery
227: Community Forums
228: Community Forums
229: Community Forums
230: Community Forums
231: Photo Gallery
232: Home
233: Community Forums
234: Photo Gallery
235: Member Screenshots
236: Home
237: Community Forums
238: Community Forums
239: Community Forums
240: Member Screenshots
241: Tell a Friend
242: Community Forums
243: Downloads
244: Photo Gallery
245: Photo Gallery
246: Community Forums
247: Community Forums
248: Member Screenshots
249: Community Forums
250: Community Forums
251: Community Forums
252: Downloads
253: Community Forums
254: Community Forums
255: Community Forums
256: Community Forums
257: Community Forums
258: Community Forums
259: Community Forums
260: Community Forums
261: Community Forums
262: Community Forums
263: Statistics
264: Downloads
265: Member Screenshots
266: Photo Gallery
267: Community Forums
268: Community Forums
269: Photo Gallery
270: Member Screenshots
271: Community Forums
272: Community Forums
273: Community Forums
274: Home
275: Photo Gallery
276: Community Forums
277: Home
278: Community Forums
279: Home
280: Home
281: Search
282: Photo Gallery
283: Community Forums
284: Community Forums
285: Community Forums
286: Downloads
287: Community Forums
288: Community Forums
289: Community Forums
290: Downloads
291: Community Forums
292: Your Account
293: News Archive
294: Your Account
295: News Archive
296: Community Forums
297: Community Forums
298: Home
299: Community Forums
300: Community Forums
301: Member Screenshots
302: Community Forums
303: Community Forums
304: Photo Gallery
305: Photo Gallery
306: Community Forums
307: Member Screenshots
308: Home
309: Community Forums
310: Community Forums
311: Photo Gallery
312: Community Forums
313: Home
314: Community Forums
315: Home
316: Community Forums
317: Community Forums
318: Community Forums
319: Your Account
320: Community Forums
321: Community Forums
322: News
323: Community Forums
324: Downloads
325: Community Forums
326: Community Forums
327: Photo Gallery
328: Your Account
329: Community Forums
330: Home
331: Photo Gallery
332: Community Forums
333: Community Forums
334: Community Forums
335: Community Forums
336: Community Forums
337: Community Forums
338: Home
339: Home
340: Community Forums
341: Member Screenshots
342: Member Screenshots
343: Photo Gallery
344: Community Forums
345: Member Screenshots
346: Community Forums
347: Community Forums
348: Community Forums
349: Community Forums
350: Community Forums
351: Community Forums
352: Community Forums
353: Community Forums
354: Community Forums
355: Home
356: Photo Gallery
357: Community Forums
358: Community Forums
359: Community Forums
360: Photo Gallery
361: Community Forums
362: Community Forums
363: Community Forums
364: Home
365: News Archive
366: News Archive
367: Member Screenshots
368: Community Forums
369: Photo Gallery
370: News Archive
371: Community Forums
372: Community Forums
373: Community Forums
374: Community Forums
375: Community Forums
376: Home
377: Community Forums
378: Community Forums
379: Tell a Friend
380: Community Forums
381: Home
382: Community Forums
383: Member Screenshots
384: Community Forums
385: Home
386: Community Forums
387: Community Forums
388: Member Screenshots
389: Your Account
390: Community Forums
391: Community Forums
392: Community Forums
393: Community Forums
394: Downloads
395: Community Forums
396: Photo Gallery
397: Community Forums
398: Community Forums
399: Photo Gallery
400: Community Forums
401: Community Forums
402: Home
403: Member Screenshots
404: Home
405: Photo Gallery
406: Photo Gallery
407: Member Screenshots
408: Member Screenshots
409: Community Forums
410: Photo Gallery
411: Community Forums
412: Community Forums
413: Photo Gallery
414: Community Forums
415: Community Forums
416: Community Forums
417: Community Forums
418: Community Forums
419: Community Forums
420: Photo Gallery
421: Photo Gallery
422: Photo Gallery
423: Community Forums
424: Photo Gallery
425: Photo Gallery
426: Downloads
427: Community Forums
428: Community Forums
429: Community Forums
430: Community Forums
431: Community Forums
432: Photo Gallery
433: Photo Gallery
434: Photo Gallery
435: Community Forums
436: News Archive
437: Community Forums
438: Member Screenshots
439: Home
440: Community Forums
441: Community Forums
442: Community Forums
443: Community Forums
444: Community Forums
445: Community Forums
446: Community Forums
447: Community Forums
448: Photo Gallery
449: Community Forums
450: Community Forums
451: Community Forums
452: Community Forums
453: Community Forums
454: Community Forums
455: Member Screenshots
456: Home
457: Community Forums
458: Community Forums
459: Community Forums
460: Community Forums
461: Community Forums
462: Member Screenshots
463: Community Forums
464: Community Forums
465: Community Forums
466: Community Forums
467: Community Forums
468: Community Forums
469: Community Forums
470: Community Forums
471: Photo Gallery
472: Community Forums
473: Community Forums
474: Community Forums
475: Photo Gallery
476: Community Forums
477: Member Screenshots
478: Home
479: Community Forums
480: News
481: Community Forums
482: Member Screenshots
483: Photo Gallery
484: Member Screenshots
485: Member Screenshots
486: Community Forums
487: Community Forums
488: Member Screenshots
489: Community Forums
490: Community Forums
491: Photo Gallery
492: Photo Gallery
493: Community Forums
494: Member Screenshots
495: Photo Gallery
496: Member Screenshots
497: Community Forums
498: Community Forums
499: Community Forums
500: Home
501: Member Screenshots
502: Member Screenshots
503: Photo Gallery
504: Community Forums
505: Photo Gallery
506: Home
507: Community Forums
508: Your Account
509: Photo Gallery
510: Home
511: Photo Gallery
512: Member Screenshots
513: Photo Gallery
514: Community Forums
515: Community Forums
516: Photo Gallery
517: Community Forums
518: Community Forums
519: Downloads
520: Downloads
521: Home
522: Community Forums
523: Community Forums
524: Community Forums
525: Photo Gallery
526: Home
527: Photo Gallery
528: Community Forums
529: Community Forums
530: Community Forums
531: Photo Gallery
532: Community Forums
533: Community Forums
534: News Archive
535: Your Account
536: Home
537: Community Forums
538: Community Forums
539: Community Forums
540: Home
541: Community Forums
542: Community Forums
543: Community Forums
544: Member Screenshots
545: Home
546: Home
547: Community Forums
548: Home
549: Community Forums
550: Home
551: Home
552: Photo Gallery
553: Photo Gallery
554: Home
555: Downloads
556: Home
557: Community Forums
558: Community Forums
559: Home
560: Statistics
561: News Archive
562: Community Forums
563: Community Forums
564: Community Forums
565: Community Forums
566: Community Forums
567: Downloads
568: Community Forums
569: Home
570: Community Forums
571: Community Forums
572: Community Forums
573: Downloads
574: Community Forums
575: Community Forums
576: Community Forums
577: Downloads
578: Photo Gallery
579: Community Forums
580: Community Forums
581: Home
582: Community Forums
583: Community Forums
584: Photo Gallery
585: Community Forums
586: Statistics
587: Community Forums
588: Community Forums
589: Member Screenshots
590: Community Forums
591: Home
592: Downloads
593: Community Forums
594: Community Forums
595: Member Screenshots
596: Member Screenshots
597: Community Forums
598: Photo Gallery
599: Home
600: Member Screenshots
601: Member Screenshots
602: Downloads
603: Member Screenshots
604: Home
605: Photo Gallery
606: News
607: Community Forums
608: Member Screenshots
609: Community Forums
610: Community Forums
611: Photo Gallery
612: Community Forums
613: Community Forums
614: Community Forums
615: Community Forums
616: Downloads
617: Photo Gallery
618: Community Forums
619: News Archive
620: Community Forums
621: Community Forums
622: Community Forums
623: Community Forums
624: Photo Gallery
625: Community Forums
626: Community Forums
627: Photo Gallery
628: Photo Gallery
629: Community Forums
630: Member Screenshots
631: Community Forums
632: Member Screenshots
633: Community Forums
634: Community Forums
635: Community Forums
636: Community Forums
637: Community Forums
638: Community Forums
639: Community Forums
640: Community Forums
641: Community Forums
642: Photo Gallery
643: Community Forums
644: Community Forums
645: Community Forums
646: Community Forums
647: Community Forums
648: Community Forums
649: Photo Gallery
650: Community Forums
651: Photo Gallery
652: Community Forums
653: Photo Gallery
654: Community Forums
655: Community Forums
656: Community Forums
657: Home
658: Downloads
659: Home
660: Community Forums
661: Community Forums
662: Home
663: Home
664: Community Forums
665: Community Forums
666: Statistics
667: Community Forums
668: Community Forums
669: Search
670: Community Forums
671: Home
672: Community Forums
673: Community Forums
674: Community Forums
675: Community Forums
676: Community Forums
677: Community Forums
678: Photo Gallery
679: Community Forums
680: Downloads
681: Community Forums
682: Community Forums
683: Community Forums
684: Member Screenshots
685: Community Forums
686: Downloads
687: Community Forums
688: Home
689: Downloads
690: Community Forums
691: News Archive
692: Community Forums
693: Home
694: Community Forums
695: Photo Gallery
696: Community Forums
697: Photo Gallery
698: Community Forums
699: Community Forums
700: News
701: Photo Gallery
702: Community Forums
703: Community Forums
704: Community Forums
705: Downloads
706: Member Screenshots
707: Community Forums
708: Downloads
709: Community Forums
710: Community Forums
711: Community Forums
712: Downloads
713: Community Forums
714: Community Forums
715: Community Forums
716: Community Forums
717: Member Screenshots
718: Community Forums
719: Community Forums
720: Home
721: Photo Gallery
722: Community Forums
723: Community Forums
724: Member Screenshots
725: Community Forums
726: Community Forums
727: Home
728: Photo Gallery
729: Photo Gallery
730: Community Forums
731: Community Forums
732: Home
733: Member Screenshots
734: Community Forums
735: Community Forums
736: News Archive
737: Downloads
738: Community Forums
739: Community Forums
740: Community Forums
741: Downloads
742: Community Forums
743: Downloads
744: Community Forums
745: Community Forums
746: Home
747: Community Forums
748: Community Forums
749: Community Forums
750: Community Forums
751: Downloads
752: Member Screenshots
753: Downloads
754: Home
755: Community Forums
756: Community Forums
757: Home
758: Community Forums
759: Downloads
760: Photo Gallery
761: Photo Gallery
762: Community Forums
763: News Archive
764: Photo Gallery
765: News Archive
766: Community Forums
767: Community Forums
768: Community Forums
769: Community Forums
770: Community Forums
771: Community Forums
772: Community Forums
773: Community Forums
774: Community Forums
775: Member Screenshots
776: Community Forums
777: Community Forums
778: Photo Gallery
779: Community Forums
780: Home
781: Community Forums
782: Member Screenshots
783: Photo Gallery
784: Treasury
785: Community Forums
786: Downloads
787: Home
788: Community Forums
789: Home
790: Community Forums
791: Member Screenshots
792: Photo Gallery
793: Downloads
794: Community Forums
795: Community Forums
796: Community Forums
797: Community Forums
798: Community Forums
799: Community Forums
800: Home
801: Community Forums
802: Community Forums
803: Community Forums
804: Home
805: Community Forums
806: Community Forums
807: Member Screenshots
808: Community Forums
809: Community Forums
810: Community Forums
811: Community Forums
812: Photo Gallery
813: Community Forums
814: Photo Gallery
815: Photo Gallery
816: Community Forums
817: Community Forums
818: Photo Gallery
819: Community Forums
820: Photo Gallery
821: Downloads
822: Member Screenshots
823: Member Screenshots
824: Community Forums
825: Community Forums
826: Member Screenshots
827: Photo Gallery
828: Community Forums
829: Photo Gallery
830: Community Forums
831: Home
832: Community Forums
833: Community Forums
834: Member Screenshots
835: Community Forums
836: Community Forums
837: Community Forums
838: Community Forums
839: Community Forums
840: Home
841: Community Forums
842: Community Forums
843: Your Account
844: Community Forums
845: Photo Gallery
846: Community Forums
847: Community Forums
848: Community Forums
849: Home
850: Community Forums
851: Home
852: Home
853: Community Forums
854: Community Forums
855: Community Forums
856: Community Forums
857: Community Forums
858: Community Forums
859: Community Forums
860: Community Forums
861: Photo Gallery
862: Member Screenshots
863: Photo Gallery
864: Community Forums
865: Community Forums
866: Community Forums
867: Member Screenshots
868: News Archive
869: Home
870: Community Forums
871: Community Forums
872: Community Forums
873: Community Forums
874: Community Forums
875: Member Screenshots
876: Community Forums
877: Home
878: Community Forums
879: Downloads
880: Community Forums
881: Downloads
882: Community Forums
883: Community Forums
884: Community Forums
885: Community Forums
886: Community Forums
887: Community Forums
888: Community Forums
889: Community Forums
890: Member Screenshots
891: Member Screenshots
892: Community Forums
893: Community Forums
894: Community Forums
895: Community Forums
896: Downloads
897: Community Forums
898: Community Forums
899: Home
900: Member Screenshots
901: Photo Gallery
902: Member Screenshots
903: Community Forums
904: Photo Gallery
905: Community Forums
906: Community Forums
907: Community Forums
908: Downloads
909: Member Screenshots
910: Photo Gallery
911: Photo Gallery
912: Community Forums
913: Community Forums
914: Community Forums
915: Community Forums
916: Downloads
917: Community Forums
918: Community Forums
919: Community Forums
920: Community Forums
921: Home
922: Community Forums
923: Home
924: Photo Gallery
925: Community Forums
926: Community Forums
927: Community Forums
928: Community Forums
929: Community Forums
930: Home
931: Community Forums
932: Tell a Friend
933: Community Forums
934: Community Forums
935: Community Forums
936: Member Screenshots
937: Member Screenshots
938: Community Forums
939: Community Forums
940: Home
941: Home
942: Community Forums
943: Community Forums
944: Community Forums
945: News Archive
946: Community Forums
947: Community Forums
948: Community Forums
949: Community Forums
950: Member Screenshots
951: Home
952: Community Forums
953: Statistics
954: News Archive
955: Member Screenshots
956: Community Forums
957: Photo Gallery
958: Community Forums
959: Community Forums
960: Home
961: Community Forums
962: Community Forums
963: Home
964: Community Forums
965: Community Forums
966: Community Forums
967: Community Forums
968: Community Forums
969: Community Forums
970: Community Forums
971: Community Forums
972: Home
973: Community Forums
974: Home
975: Member Screenshots
976: Community Forums
977: Community Forums
978: Community Forums
979: Community Forums
980: Community Forums
981: Community Forums
982: Photo Gallery
983: Photo Gallery
984: Home
985: Community Forums
986: Photo Gallery
987: Community Forums
988: Community Forums
989: Photo Gallery
990: Community Forums
991: Photo Gallery
992: Community Forums
993: Photo Gallery
994: Photo Gallery
995: Home
996: Photo Gallery
997: Photo Gallery
998: News Archive
999: Community Forums
1000: Photo Gallery
1001: Community Forums
1002: Community Forums
1003: Community Forums
1004: Community Forums
1005: Community Forums
1006: Member Screenshots
1007: Community Forums
1008: Community Forums
1009: Community Forums
1010: Photo Gallery
1011: Home
1012: Community Forums
1013: Community Forums
1014: Community Forums
1015: Community Forums
1016: Downloads
1017: Home
1018: Photo Gallery
1019: Community Forums
1020: Community Forums
1021: Home
1022: Community Forums
1023: Photo Gallery
1024: News Archive
1025: Photo Gallery
1026: News
1027: Community Forums
1028: Community Forums
1029: Community Forums
1030: Community Forums
1031: Community Forums
1032: Community Forums
1033: Community Forums
1034: Community Forums
1035: Community Forums
1036: Community Forums
1037: Community Forums
1038: Photo Gallery
1039: Community Forums
1040: Community Forums
1041: Community Forums
1042: Community Forums
1043: Community Forums
1044: Community Forums
1045: Community Forums
1046: Community Forums
1047: Downloads
1048: Community Forums
1049: Home
1050: Community Forums
1051: Home
1052: Downloads
1053: Photo Gallery
1054: Home
1055: Community Forums
1056: Community Forums
1057: Community Forums
1058: News
1059: Member Screenshots
1060: Photo Gallery
1061: Photo Gallery
1062: Member Screenshots
1063: Community Forums
1064: Photo Gallery
1065: Community Forums
1066: Community Forums
1067: Home
1068: Community Forums
1069: Community Forums
1070: Community Forums
1071: Community Forums
1072: Community Forums
1073: Photo Gallery
1074: News Archive
1075: Community Forums
1076: Photo Gallery
1077: Community Forums
1078: Community Forums
1079: Community Forums
1080: Member Screenshots
1081: Home
1082: Community Forums
1083: Home
1084: Home
1085: Community Forums
1086: Community Forums
1087: Community Forums
1088: Community Forums
1089: Community Forums
1090: News Archive
1091: Community Forums
1092: Community Forums
1093: Community Forums
1094: Statistics
1095: Community Forums
1096: Community Forums
1097: Community Forums
1098: Photo Gallery
1099: Community Forums
1100: Community Forums
1101: Community Forums
1102: Home
1103: Community Forums
1104: Community Forums
1105: Community Forums
1106: Downloads
1107: Community Forums
1108: Community Forums
1109: Community Forums
1110: Community Forums
1111: Community Forums
1112: Community Forums
1113: Photo Gallery
1114: Home
1115: Home
1116: Community Forums
1117: Community Forums
1118: Community Forums
1119: Home
1120: Community Forums
1121: Community Forums
1122: Community Forums
1123: Community Forums
1124: Community Forums
1125: Community Forums

Staff Online:

No staff members are online!
Australia, sheep, etc. It's all explained right here: :: Archived
A general meeting place for all pilots!
Post new topic    Revive this topic    Printer Friendly Page     Forum Index ›  Officer's Club

Topic Archived View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
JG300-Ascout
Power User

Offline Offline
Joined: Jan 05, 2005
Posts: 6257
Location: Cyberspace
PostPosted: Fri Sep 09, 2005 1:56 pm
Post subject: Australia, sheep, etc. It's all explained right here:

An Abridged Natural History of Australia (or The Second Way a Wombat Kills)

Australia is a very confusing place, taking up a large amount of the bottom half of the planet. It is recognisable from orbit because of many unusual features, including what at first looks like an enormous bite taken out of its southern edge; a wall of sheer cliffs which plunge deep into the girting sea. Geologists assure us that this is simply an accident of geomorphology and plate tectonics, but they still call it the "Great Australian Bight" proving that not only are they covering up a more frightening theory, but they can't spell either.

The first of the confusing things about Australia is the status of the place. Where other land masses and sovereign lands are classified as either continent, island or country, Australia is considered all three. Typically, it is unique in this.

The second confusing thing about Australia is the animals. They can be divided into three categories: Poisonous, Odd, and Sheep. It is true that of the 10 most poisonous arachnids on the planet, Australia has 9 of them. Actually, it would be more accurate to say that of the 9 most poisonous arachnids, Australia has all of them. However, there are curiously few snakes, possibly because the spiders have killed them all.

But even the spiders won't go near the sea. Any visitors should be careful to check inside boots (before putting them on) under toilet seats (before sitting down) and generally everywhere else. A stick is very useful for this task.

Strangely, it tends to be the second class of animals (the Odd) that are more dangerous. The creature that kills the most people each year is the common Wombat. It is nearly as ridiculous as its name, and spends its life digging holes in the ground, in which it hides. During the night it comes out to eat worms and grubs.

The wombat kills people in two ways: First, the animal is indestructible. Digging holes in the hard Australian clay builds muscles that outclass Olympic weightlifters. At night, they often wander the roads. Semi-trailers (Road Trains) have hit them at high speed, with all 9 wheels on one side, and this merely makes them very annoyed. They express this by snorting, glaring, and walking away. Alas, to smaller cars, the wombat becomes an asymmetrical high-speed launching pad, with results that can be imagined, but not adequately described.

The second way the wombat kills people relates to its burrowing behaviour
. If a person happens to put their hand down a Wombat hole, the Wombat will feel the disturbance and think "Ho! My hole is collapsing!" at which it will brace its muscled legs and push up against the roof of its burrow with incredible force, to prevent its collapse. Any unfortunate hand will be crushed, and attempts to withdraw will cause the Wombat to simply bear down harder. The unfortunate will then bleed to death through their crushed hand as the wombat prevents him from seeking assistance. This is considered the third most embarrassing known way to die, and Australians don't talk about it much.

At this point, we would like to mention the Platypus, estranged relative of the mammal, which has a duck-bill, otter's tail, webbed feet, lays eggs, detects its aquatic prey in the same way as the electric eel, and has venomous barbs attached to its hind legs, thus combining all 'typical' Australian attributes into a single improbable creature.

The last confusing thing about Australia is the inhabitants. First, a short history: Some time around 40,000 years ago, some people arrived in boats from the north. They ate all the available food, and lot of them died. The ones that survived learned respect for the balance of nature, man's proper place in the scheme of things, and spiders. They settled in, and spent a lot of the intervening time making up strange stories.

Then, around 200 years ago, Europeans arrived in boats from the north. More accurately, European convicts were sent, with a few deranged and stupid people in charge. They tried to plant their crops in Autumn (failing to take account of the reversal of the seasons when moving from the top half of the planet to the bottom), ate all their food, and a lot of them died. About then the sheep arrived, and have been treasured ever since.

It is interesting to note here that the Europeans always consider themselves vastly superior to any other race they encounter, since they can lie, cheat, steal, and litigate (marks of a civilised culture, they say) - whereas all the Aboriginals can do is happily survive being left in the middle of a vast red-hot desert, equipped with a stick.

Eventually, the new lot of people stopped being Europeans on Extended Holiday and became Australians. The changes are subtle, but deep, caused by the mind-stretching expanses of nothingness and eerie quiet, where a person can sit perfectly still and look deep inside themselves to the core of their essence, their reasons for being, and the necessity of checking inside your boots every morning for fatal surprises. They also picked up the most finely tuned sense of irony in the world, and the Aboriginal gift for making up stories. Be warned.

There is also the matter of the beaches. Australian beaches are simply the nicest and best in the entire world. Although anyone actually venturing into the sea will have to contend with sharks, stinging jellyfish, stonefish (a fish which sits on the bottom of the sea, pretends to be a rock, and has venomous barbs sticking out of its back that will kill just from the pain) and surfboarders. However, watching a beach sunset is worth the risk.

As a result of all this hardship, dirt, thirst, and wombats, you would expect Australians to be a dour lot. Instead, they are genial, jolly, cheerful, and always willing to share a kind word with a stranger, unless they are an American. Faced with insurmountable odds and impossible problems, they smile disarmingly and look for a stick. Major engineering feats have been performed with sheets of corrugated iron, string, and mud.

Alone of all the races on earth, they seem to be free from the 'Grass is Greener on the other side of the fence' syndrome, and roundly proclaim that Australia is, in fact, the other side of that fence. They call the land "Oz", "Godzone" (a verbal contraction of "God's Own Country") and "Best bloody place on earth, bar none, strewth." The irritating thing about this is they may be right.

There are some traps for the unsuspecting traveller, though. Do not under any circumstances suggest that the beer is imperfect, unless you are comparing it to another kind of Australian beer. Do not wear a Hawaiian shirt. Religion and Politics are safe topics of conversation (Australians don't care too much about either) but Sport is a minefield. The only correct answer to "So, how d'ya like our country, eh?" is "Best {insert your own regional swear word here} country in the world!".

It is very likely that, on arriving, some cheerful Australians will 'adopt' you, and on your first night, take you to a pub where Australian Beer is served. Despite the obvious danger, do not refuse. It is a form of initiation rite. You will wake up late the next day with an astonishing hangover, a foul-taste in your mouth, and wearing strange clothes. Your hosts will usually make sure you get home, and waive off any legal difficulties with "It's his first time in Australia, so we took him to the pub.", to which the policeman will sagely nod and close his notebook. Be sure to tell the story of these events to every other Australian you encounter, adding new embellishments at every stage, and noting how strong the beer was. Thus you will be accepted into this unique culture.

Most Australians are now urban dwellers, having discovered the primary use of electricity, which is air-conditioning and refrigerators.

Typical Australian sayings

"G'Day!"

"It's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick."

"She'll be right."

"And down from Kosioskco, where the pine clad ridges raise their torn and rugged battlements on high, where the air is clear as crystal, and the white stars fairly blaze at midnight in the cold and frosty sky. And where, around the overflow, the reed beds sweep and sway to the breezes, and the rolling plains are wide. The Man from Snowy River is a household word today, and the stockmen tell the story of his ride."

Tips to Surviving Australia

Don't ever put your hand down a hole for any reason whatsoever. We mean it.

The beer is stronger than you think, regardless of how strong you think it is.

Always carry a stick.

Air-conditioning.

Do not attempt to use Australian slang, unless you are a trained linguist and good in a fistfight.

Thick socks.

Take good maps. Stopping to ask directions only works when there are people nearby.

If you leave the urban areas, carry several litres of water with you at all times, or you will die.

Even in the most embellished stories told by Australians, there is always a core of truth that it is unwise to ignore.


See Also: "Deserts: How to die in them", "The Stick: Second most useful thing ever" and "Poisonous and Venomous arachnids, insects, animals, trees, shrubs, fish and sheep of Australia, volumes 1-42"

_________________
"All facts go to clearly prove that Shades is a thrice-cursed traitor & mentally deranged person steeped in inveterate enmity toward mankind"
Back to top
View user's profile Photo Gallery
Shadow_Bshwackr
Janitor

Offline Offline
Joined: Jan 21, 2005
Posts: 7019
Location: Central Illinois, USA
PostPosted: Sat Sep 10, 2005 6:37 am
Post subject: Re: Australia, sheep, etc. It's all explained right here:

It is very likely that, on arriving, some cheerful Australians will 'adopt' you, and on your first night, take you to a pub where Australian Beer is served. Despite the obvious danger, do not refuse. It is a form of initiation rite. You will wake up late the next day with an astonishing hangover, a foul-taste in your mouth, and wearing strange clothes.


ROFLMAO...Me thinks I've been there before, just not in the ACTUAL country...lol
Back to top
View user's profile Visit poster's website Photo Gallery
IMS_JoseCuervo
Power User

Offline Offline
Joined: Jun 23, 2005
Posts: 88
Location: NEW YORK,PARIS,LONDON,FADETTE
PostPosted: Sun Sep 11, 2005 12:19 pm
Post subject: Re: Australia, sheep, etc. It's all explained right here:

Roflmao man you just keep em coming. Hilarious.

_________________
"if a man says something in the woods and a woman isn't there to hear it, is he still wrong?"
Back to top
View user's profile
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic    Revive this topic    Printer Friendly Page    Forum Index ›  Officer's Club
Page 1 of 1
All times are GMT - 6 Hours

Archive Revive
Username:
This is an archived topic - your reply will not be appended here.
Instead, a new topic will be generated in the active forum.
The new topic will provide a reference link to this archived topic.