Com-Central.net

A Jersey Pine Christmas
Twas the night before Christmas,
when I and my spouse,
just married one week,
had moved to this house.
Between us six children, from five years to nine,
three of them hers and three of them mine.
I was expecting a crowd the following day,
when her family would come for a short-little stay.
As to her parents, her siblings and kin,
I’d not met a one, except for Aunt Gwyn.
Each child was now nestled all snug in their beds.
Playstation 3 running games thru their heads.
While Sweets in her nighty and I with toothpaste,
were yearning for romance,
as we’d hugged and embraced.
Our stockings were hung and I’d fixed up my hair.
When we heard lots of baaaing, our passion stopped there!
We jumped out of bed, to check out the matter,
then we heard on the roof, some “rumble-like patter
We looked out the window, being somewhat afraid.
On the roof were eight sheep wearing leathers and suede
Then we heard a loud voice in the yard down below,
“Merry Christmas! You lovers’. I caught you!! Ho! Ho!”
A skwirrel in red fur was sprawled ‘cross our pines.
His sled was off-balance on the telephone lines.
He dropped from the trees and brushed off his suit.
He laughed as he shouted, this “sled-things”a hoot!
He tripped up the porch, tossed his head with a jerk.
I’m the “Tree Rat” tonight, but my landing’s need work!
With barely a whisper, he stepped right inside.
“I’m Shades, Sweet’s Uncle. She must be your bride?”
“We’ve arrived a day early, I hope you don’t mind.”
“The reindeer are strikin’and my sheep are just blind.”
That Shades he then yawned and winked with one eye,
“Do you have any corn pone or nut and mince pie?”
Sweets stood there beside me, her mouth curled a bit,
she motioned to Shades, “Come in yuuule an’sit.”
The sheep were baaing, sliding down the roof quick,
first Dancer, then Prancer, then Rudolf and Nick.
Now Shades was chuckling, as each ewe nosedived,
they were yelping a jingle as each sheep arrived.
Then Shades confessed that he’d brought several kin,
they were out in a snowbank, was it time to come in?
There came Melva and Marva, who hoisted barbells,
and Chester, his brother who stared for long spells.
There was Ida, who often would eat standing up,
and Irma her mother, who slurped from a cup.
There was Pester, his father, who liked to eat jerky.
He’d brought us a present. A live baby turkey!
Then Hilda, his sister, was a bit on the tilt,
she wanted some eggnog, but each sip she spilt.
Then Wilbur, (my favorite) brought along his pet rats.
There was Inky and Stinky who loved to chase bats.
The gooseberry pie was e’t in the night,
I wasn’t sure it was human, who took the first bite.
Our holiday cheer was well underway.
This night before Christmas, they were all here to stay.
They promised they’d leave at the first of the year.
I counted the minutes ‘till they’d all disappear.
My furst Jersey Pine Christmas! Now one thing’s for sheer.
I ‘spect to recover ‘bout this time next year!



Piney

Sweets would never betray me.
I'm her cutest.



[nice 'pome'. ;)]

- Shades

Sweets would never betray me.
I'm her cutest.



[nice 'pome'. ;)]

The lie detecting robot sits quietly in the corner. Not because this isn't a lie but because the delusional skwirrell actually believes it therefore the robot does not detect the neuro-biological indicators that it uses to determine whether a lie has been told.

Poor delusionned skwirrell

It's a fact m8.
sweets has said so publicly (well, in C-C anyway) on a number of occasions.
I was rather hoping the lie-detecting robot would intervened so I could have had it sent back under warranty!

But the lie detecting robot has not attcked me, Ergo, Sweets is indeed my spouse. take that tree rat
Piney