Com-Central.net

You might be a Redneck Pilot If:

1. Your stall warning honker plays DIXIE.

2. Your cross-country flight plan uses flea markets as checkpoints.

3. You think sectionals should show trailer parks.

4. You've ever used moonshine as a substitute for 100LL.

5. Your Cherokee's wheel pants have mud flaps with a chrome silhouette of a reclining nude girl.

6. Your toothpick keeps poking your hand mic.

7. You've ever taxied around the airport just drinking beer.

8. You wouldn't be caught dead in a Grumman Yankee!

9. You use an old grain sack as a windsock.

10. You constantly confuse "Beechcraft" with "Beechnut."

11. You've never flown a nose-wheel airplane.

12. You refer to formation flying as "We got us a convoy."

13. Your matched set of lightweight flying luggage is 3 grocery bags from Wal-Mart.

14. You have a gun rack in the rear window of your plane.

15. You have duct tape holding your engine cowling on.

16. You figure external mud and manure in your weight and balance calculations.

17. You siphon gas from your tractor to go flying.

18. You've ever taxied to the far end of the runway just to get the newspaper so you could wrap the day's catch.

19. You've ever ground looped to avoid hitting a cow or a wild boar.

20. You consider anything over 500 AGL as High Altitude Flying.

21. There are parts on your aircraft labeled "John Deere."

22. You don't own a current sectional, but have all the Texaco road maps for your area.

23. There's a brown streak down each side of your airplane; exhaust on the right side and tobacco juice on the left.

24. You have to buzz the strip to chase off the livestock before landing.

25. You use an old parachute for a portable hanger.

26. You've ever landed on Main Street for a cup of coffee.

27. The tread pattern, if any, on all three of your tires is different.

28. You have a pair of fuzzy dice hanging from the Magnetic Compass.

29. You put straw in the baggage compartment so your dogs don't get cold.

30. You've got matching bumper stickers on each side of the vertical stabilizer.

31. There are grass stains on the tips of your propeller.

32. Somewhere on your plane, there's a bumper sticker that reads "I'd rather be fishing."

33. You navigate with your ADF tuned to only AM country stations.

34. You think an "ultra-light" is a new sissy beer from Rolling Rock.

35. Just before the crash, everybody on the UNICOM heard you say, "Hey, y'all, watch this!"